When Ted’s best friend Marshall proposes to his girlfriend, Lily, Ted realizes he’d better get a move on if he hopes to find true love. Ted soon meets Robin in a neighborhood bar, immediately becomes smitten, and scores a first date. But when Ted can hardly wait to see her again, his eagerness threatens to scare her away.

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2030年

孩子们，我要给你们讲一个美好的故事
Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story.
是关于我和你们母亲相遇的故事
the story of how I met your mother.

我们是不是做错什么事情了？
Are we being punished for something?

不是
No.

这会不会讲很久
是的
Yeah, is this gonna take a while?
Yes.

25年前，我还没当父亲的时候
我的生活可大不相同
25 years ago, before I was a dad,
I had this whole other life.

这可要回到2005年
It was way back to 2005.

我还只有27岁，有一份建筑师的工作
和我大学时代最好的朋友Marshal合住在纽约
I was 27， just starting to make it as an architect and living in New York with Marshal, my best friend from college.

本来我的生活一切OK
然后你们的Marshal叔叔把一切都搞砸了
My life was good, and then uncle Marshal went to screw the whole thing up.

你愿意嫁给我吗？
Will you marry me?

太好了，完美，你要订婚了
Yes, perfect, and you're engaged.

你开香槟，祝酒辞，然后在厨房地板上嘿咻
You pop up the champagne. You drink a toast. You have sex on the kitchen floor.

别在厨房地板上嘿咻
Don't have sex on our kitchen floor.

明白
Got it.

谢谢你帮我这个忙，Ted
Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.

哥们儿，开什么玩笑，这可是你和Lily！
Dude,are you kidding? It's you and Lily!

你们俩所有的关键时刻
我都在一旁帮助你的
I've been there for all the big moments  of you and Lily.

你们第一次相见，第一次约会……
The night you met, your first date,

还有其他的“第一次”……
other first things.

呵呵，不好意思
我们还以为你睡着了呢
Sorry, we thought you were asleep.

这就是物理学，Marshal
下铺摇动，上铺也会跟着摇动
It's physics, Marshal. If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too.

上帝啊
My God!

你今晚就要订婚了
You're getting engaged tonight!

是啊
Yeah.

你今晚有什么计划？
What are you doing tonight?

我那晚干什么了来着？
What was I doing?

你们的Marshal叔叔踏出了人生的关键一步
而我呢……？
Your uncle Marshal was taking the biggest step of his life. And me?

我给你们的Barney叔叔打了电话
I'm calling up your uncle Barney.

嘿，伙计，还记得我说过
我对一半亚洲血统的小妞有偏好吗
Hey, see, you know, however, I thought I had a thing for half Asian girls?

现在我有新爱了
Well, now I've got a new favorite,

黎巴嫩妞儿
Lebanese girls.

黎巴嫩妞儿代表了新的半亚洲血统
Lebanese girls are the new half Asians.

嘿，今晚有什么计划没？
Hey, you want to do something tonight?

好的，15分钟后酒吧见
OK, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes,

记得穿西服！
and suit up!

嘿
Hey.

你的西装呢？
Where is your suit?

我跟你说穿得好一点，就是说要你穿上西服！
我穿过……一回
Just once when I say 'suit up', I wish you'd put on a suit.
I did, that one time.

那是件夹克！
It was a blazer.

你知道吗，从大学开始
一直都是Marshal，Lily和我
You know, ever since college it's been Marshal and Lily and me.

而以后就会变成
Marshel和Lily……和我
Now it's gonna be Marshal and Lily, and me.

他们就要结婚，成家了
They'll get married, start a family.

以后我就是他们家小孩眼里
古怪的中年单身汉Ted叔叔了
Before long I'm that weird, middle-aged bachelor, their kids call 'uncle Ted'.

我知道这是怎么回事了
I see what this is about.

你忘记我们第一回见面的时候
我怎么跟你说的了吗？
Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met?

Ted，我来教你怎么享受生活
Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live.

我是Barney，我们刚在小便池边认识的
Barney. We met at the urinal.

哦
Oh, alright.

你好
Alright.

第一课，跟你的山羊胡子说再见
Lesson one, lose the goatee.

它和你的西服不搭配
It doesn't go with your suit.

我没穿西服
第二课，穿上西服
I'm not wearing a suit.
Lesson two, get a suit.

西服很好，有模有样
Suits are cool, exhibitive.

第三课，千万别想结婚的事情
……三十岁以后再说
Lesson 3, don't even think about getting married till you're 30.

三十岁，是的，你是对的
30, right, you're right.

我想当你最好的朋友订婚的时候
你难免考虑一些有的没的
I guess that just your best friends get engaged, you start thinking about that stuff.

我以为我才是你最好的朋友
I thought I was your best friend.

Ted，说我才是你最好的朋友
Ted, say I'm your best friend.

你是我最好的朋友，Barney
很好……
You're my best friend, Barney.
Good,

作为你最好的朋友，我提议玩一点小游戏
我愿意称之为……
and as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game I'd like to call 

“你见过Ted没有”
不不不，我们不玩这个游戏
'have you met Ted'.
No, we are not playing 'have you met Ted.'

嗨，你见过Ted没有？
Hi, have you met Ted?

你好
Hi!

我是Ted
I'm Ted.

Yasmin
Yasmin.

很好听的名字
It's a very pretty name.

谢谢，这来源于黎巴嫩语
Thanks. It's Lebanese.

我都累坏了，今天是学校里的涂鸦日
I'm exhausted. It was finger painting day at school.

一个5岁的小鬼，上了我的二垒
A 5-year-old boy got to second base with me.

哇哦，你在做饭吗？
Wow, are you cooking?

是的，没错
Yes, I am.

你肯定这是个好主意吗？
Are you sure that's a good idea?

要知道上回之后，你没眉毛的样子很吓人
after last time you looked really creepy without eyebrows.

我应付的来，今晚是惊喜之夜
I can handle this. So think you'll find I'm full of surprise tonight.

还有什么样的惊喜？
So there's more surprises? Like what?

Marshal正在读法律，所以他急中生智很有一套
Marshal was in the second year of law school, so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet.

就是这个
And that's all of them!

我该去……做饭了
I'm gonna go, cook.

我真的很为Marshal感到高兴
我只是无法想象现在就成家立业
I'm so happy for Marshal. I really am. I just couldn't imagine settling down right now.

那你还会结婚吗？
So do you think you'll ever get married?

嗯，最后总会结的
Well, maybe eventually

比如在一个秋天……
Some fall day

也许在中央公园……
possibly in Central Park

仪式就简单点，我们更注重誓约
simple ceremony, we are better on vows.

乐队，不要DJ，人们各跳各的
我才懒得管呢
band, no DJ, people will dance. I'm not gonna worry about it.

见鬼，Marshal干嘛这么早订婚
Damn it! Why did Marshal have to get engaged!

好笑吧，一个男的想象自己的婚礼
Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his imaginary wedding.

实际上，我觉得很可爱啊
Actually, I think it's cute.

看样子你肯定喝多了
Well, you're clearly drunk.

给这位小姐再来一杯
One more for the lady.

哦，对了，瞧瞧我弄了点什么
Oh, hey, look what I got.

哦，亲爱的，香槟
Oh, honey, champagne!

不行，这么大个人还怕开香槟？
No, you're too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne.

我没害怕
I'm not scared.

那就打开
好的
Then open it.
Fine.

还是你来吧
Please open it.

老天啊，真不敢相信……
You're unbelievalbe, Marshal ...

一个男人一生中有两个重要问题会问出口
There are two big questions a man has to ask in life:

一个你要精心策划好几个月
而另一个则是在某个酒吧里半醉之中脱口而出
one you planned out for months, the other just slips out when you're half drunk at some bar.

嫁给我好吗？
Will you marry me?

想约个时间出去玩儿吗？
You want to go out sometime?

当然愿意，你个傻瓜
Of course, you idiot!

对不起，Carl是我的男朋友
I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend.

你好，Carl
What's up, Carl?

我答应过Ted不会这样的
I promised Ted we wouldn't do that.

你注意到冰箱底下漏水了吗？
Did you know there is a pop under your fridge?

没有，管他呢
No, but dips.

香槟在哪儿？
Where's that champagne?

我想庆祝一下
I want to drink a toast

和我的未婚妻
with my fiancee.

这有什么好怕的
Hard to know I was so scared at this.

多简单，不是吗？
It's pretty easy, right?

我怎么突然之间这么饥渴了，真荒唐
我还没准备要找老婆呢
Why am I freaking out all of a sudden. This is crazy. I'm not ready to get settled down.

Carl怎么勾搭上一个黎巴嫩小妞的
How does Carl lend a Lebanese girl?

应该是三十岁之前不想结婚这事
没错
The plan's always been, don't even think about it until you're 30.
Exactly.

这家伙根本就不穿西服的
The guy doesn't even own a suit.

况且，Marshel已经找到了他终生挚爱
Plus, Marshal's found the love of his life.

就算我已经准备好了，事实上我不是……
Even if I was ready, which I'm not,

但假设我想结婚了，就好像……
but if I was, it's like,

“好了，我准备了，可她在哪儿？”
'OK, I'm ready, where is she?'

她就这样出现了
And there she was.

这就好像老电影里的情节
It was like something from an old movie,

一个水手看见舞池对面的她
然后转身对自己的同伴说：“瞧见那姑娘了吗？”
with a sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy, and says, 'See that girl? 

“总有一天我会娶到她”
I'm gonna marry her someday.'

Barney，瞧见那姑娘了吗？
哦，是的，性感身段
Hey, Barney, See that girl?
Oh, yeah, you just know that she likes dirty.

过去打个招呼
我不能就这么走过去
Go say 'hi.'
I can't just go say 'hi.'

我得有个计划
I need a plan.

我要等到她上洗手间的时候……
I'm gonna wait until she goes to the bathroom.

再偷偷给她点一杯饮料……
I'll strategically place myself by the jukebox...

你见过Ted没有？
Hi, have you met Ted?

我猜猜，你应该是Ted了
Let me guess, Ted?

对不起，Lily，我真的很抱歉
Sorry, Lily, I'm so sorry.

送我们去医院
Take us to the hospital.

你是不是打了她？
Did you hit her?

打我？得了吧
Hit me? Please!

这小子连在床上打我屁股都不会
This guy can barely even spank me in bed for fun.

他就这么（轻拍一下）
然后赶忙说：“哦，亲爱的，没弄疼你吧”
He's all like, 'Oh, honey, did that hurt?' 

而我就说
“使劲些，让我尝尝你的厉害，娘娘腔”
And I'm like, 'Oh, come on! Let me have you, pansy.'

哇哦，有个陌生人
Wow, complete stranger.

不不不不，没关系，继续说
No, it's OK, go on.

你是做哪一行的？
So what do you do?

我是都市新闻一台的记者
I'm a reporter from Metro News One.

算半个播报员吧
Kind of a reporter.

我总是在新闻之后播报一些无意义的小消息
比如……
I do those dumb little fluffpieces at the end of the news, you know, like,

猴子会弹ukulele
（夏威夷的四弦琴）
monkey can play the ukulele.

希望以后能够播报一些大新闻
I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon.

大一点的？就好比……
大猩猩演奏贝丝？
Bigger like, gorilla with an upright bass?

不好意思，你看起来真漂亮
I'm sorry. You're really pretty.

你的朋友看起来心情不好
Oh, your friends don't seem to happy.

中间那个刚被男朋友甩了
所以今晚……
Yeah, see the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend, so tonight,

所有男人都是“敌人”
every guy is the "enemy".

如果想要你朋友开心的话，你可以往我脸上泼饮料
我不介意的
You know if it'll make your friend feel better, you could throw a drink in my face. I don't mind.

她肯定会喜欢的
She would love that.

电影里这种情节都很有趣
It does look fun in the movies.

周六晚上有时间共进晚餐吗？
Hey, you want to have dinner with me Saturday night?

我周五要去Orlando一个星期
Oh, I can't. I'm gonna go Orlando for a week on Friday.

有个人要做一个世界上最大的蛋糕
我要负责这个报导
Some guy's attempting to make the world's biggest pancake. Guess who's covering it?

这能报导一个星期？
是的，他还会把蛋糕吃掉，这也是个世界纪录
That's gonna take a week?
Yes. He's gonna eat it, too. That's another record.

怎么回事那么久？
Hey, what's taking so long?

我知道这有些唐突，不过明晚怎么样？
I know this is a long shot, but how about tomorrow night?

好吧，管他呢
Yeah, what the hell?

混球！
Jerk!

真好玩
That was fun.

拒……稍等……绝了！
De -- wait for it -- nied!

拒绝了
Denied!

明晚佳人有约
We're going out tomorrow night.

我以为我们明晚一起玩激光枪大战呢
I thought we were playing laser attack tomorrow night!

没错，不过我从没打算玩激光枪大战
Yeah, I was never gonna play laser attack.

第二天，我带她去了一家Brooklyn的小酒馆
The next night, I took her out to this little in Brooklyn.

哇哦，那可真是个蓝色的法国喇叭
（双关，亦可理解为法国色情电影）
Wow, that is one bad ass boof French horn.

看到它我就想起了蓝精灵的阳具
Yeah, so it looks like a Smurf penis.

孩子们，给你们一些建议
Son, a piece of advice.

第一次约会的时候，你千万不要说“蓝精灵的阳具”
When you go on a first date, you really don't want to say 'smurf penis.'

一般情况下，女孩子们不想到这种东西
Girls don't ordinarily like that.

不过这个女孩可不一般
But this was no ordinary girl.

Lily？
Lily?

你在这儿坐了多久了？
How have you been sitting there?

愚蠢的眼罩
The stupid oddpatch!

老爸，老妈，我已经找到了未来的Ted Mosbie夫人
Mom, Dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosbie!

Marshal，我都是怎么描述我的梦中情人的
Marshal, how have I always described my perfect woman?

我想想
I'll let see.

她爱狗
She likes dogs?

我有5支狗
I've got 5 dogs.

爱喝苏格兰威士忌
She drinks scotch?

我自从饮酒年龄开始就爱喝苏格兰威士忌了
I love a scotch that's old enough to own it's own scotch.

她喜欢引用《捉鬼敢死队》里的台词？
Can quote obsure lines from 'Ghost Busters?'

“Ray，要是别人问你是不是上帝
你就说是！”
'Ray, when someone asks you if you're God, you say yes!'

我把最带劲的留到最后
And I'm saving the best for last.

你想吃这个吗？我讨厌橄榄果
Do you want this? I hate olives.

她讨厌橄榄果，太棒了
She hates olives! Awesome!

橄榄果理论
The olive theory!

橄榄果理论来自于我的朋友Marshal和Lily
The olive theory is based on my friends Marshal and Lily.

他不喜欢橄榄果，而她喜欢
而奇怪的是他们却又是幸福的一对
He hates olives. She loves them. And that makes them such a great couple.

完美的平衡
Perfect balance.

要知道，我有一罐橄榄果
好像在我的冰箱里呆了足足一个世纪了
You know, I've had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever.

我可以帮你脱手
I can take them off your hands.

它们都归你了
They are all yours.

哦，有戏了，有好戏要上演了！
Oh, it is on! It is on till that breakup done!

等等，这还不到10:30，怎么搞的？
Wait, it's only the break at 10:30. What happened?

我真想在自家壁炉上也挂一个蓝色的法国喇叭
I've got to get one of those boof French horns over my fireplace.

一定要是蓝色的，一定要是法国的
It's got to be blue. It's got to be French.

不要绿色的单簧管？
No green clarinet?

也不要紫色的大号？
No purple tuba?

这些都不能让我想起“假阳具”
It's a smurf penis. We are no dice.

总算找到你了
There you are.

有个要轻生的人，某个曼哈顿大桥上的疯子
We got a jumper, some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge.

快来，你来报导
Come on. You're covering it.

好的，我马上来
Alright, I'll be right there.

我很抱歉
I'm sorry.

今晚我过得很开心
I had a really great time tonight.

是啊
Yeah.

然后呢，你吻她了吗？
So? Did you kiss her?

没有，时机不对
No, the moment wasn't right.

听着，她可能就是我未来的妻子
我希望我们第一次接吻能够完美
Look, this woman could actually be my future wife. I want our first kiss to be amazing.

哦，Ted，你真体贴
Oh, Ted, that is so sweet!

于是你就像小女人一样退缩了
So you chickened out like a little bitch.

什么？我可没有退缩！
What? I did not chicken out.

说实话，我可用不着从某个……
海盗那里，探教初吻经验
You know what? I don't need to take a first kiss advice from some pirate

你大学第一周就不是单身一族了
who hasn't been single since the first week at college.

Ted，任何一个单身族都会这么说
Ted, anyone who's single would tell you the same thing.

最蠢的也不例外
Even the dumbest single person alive.

如果你不相信我，给他打个电话
And if you don't believe me? Call him.

嘿，烂人，不玩激光枪大战的感觉怎样？
因为玩激光枪大战酷毙了
Hey, loser? How's not playing laser attack? Because playing laser attack is awesome!

我已经把你干掉了，Conerd
小心我给你妈妈打电话
I killed you, Connered. I'll make me get your mom.

听我说，有件事我想听听你的意见
Listen, I need your opinion on something.

好的，我们15分钟后在酒吧见……
OK, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes.

记着穿西服！！
Suit up!

这两位都说我退缩了
So these guys think I chickened out.

你怎么说
What do you think?

我不敢相信……
I can't believe

你还是没穿西服！
you're still not wearing a suit!

她都没给我一个暗示
She didn't even give me the signal.

那又怎样，难道她得用眼睛眨莫尔斯码？
What? Is she gonna bat her eyes at you in Morse code?

“Ted……吻我”
'Ted, kiss me.'

不用了，你直接吻好了
No, you just kiss her!

要是没有得到暗示就不行！
Not if you don't get the signal.

Marshal给我暗示了吗？
没有！
Did Marshal give me the signal?
No!

我没有，我发誓！
I didn't. I swear.

至少我知道Marshal和我之间是不可能的
今晚可以睡个安稳觉
At least tonight I  get to sleep knowing Marshal and me, never gonna happen.

你本该吻她
You should have kissed her.

我本该吻她的
I should have kissed her.

下个星期她就要从Orlando回来了
也许……
Maybe in a week when she gets back from Orlando.

一星期？这在辣妹时间里就是一年啊
A week? That's like a year in a hot girl's time.

她会把你忘得一干二净
She'll forget all about you.

记住我的话，你永远也见不着她了
Mark my words, you'll never see that one again.

她在那儿呢
There she is!

哦，真漂亮……Carl，声音开大些
Woo, she's cute. Carl, turn it up.

“……劝他三思”
... him to reconsider

“最后这个人走下了护栏
我们的故事也有了一个圆满的结局”
at which point the man came down off the ledge, giving this bizzare story a happy ending.

“都市新闻一台报导……”
Reporting from Metro 1 News ...

哈，那个人没跳
Didn't jump.

我现在就去吻她
I'm gonna kiss her.

现在就去
Right now.

伙计，现在是午夜
作为你未来的律师，我必须提醒你这真TM疯狂
Dude, it's midnight. As your future lawyer, I might advise you that's freaking crazy.

可我从来没做过什么疯狂的事
我总是在等好的时机，计划好的时机
I never do anything crazy. I'm always waiting for the moment, planning the moment.

她明天就走，这也许是我最后的机会了
She's leaving tomorrow. This may be the only chance I'm gonna get.

我要做那个人做不到的
我要吻那一双唇！（与跳下去谐音）
I got to do what that guy couldn't. I got to take the leap.

好吧，不恰当的比方
OK, not a perfect metaphor.

因为对我而言，是谈恋爱结婚
对他来说，则是……
Because for me it's falling in love and getting married and for him, it's

翘辫子
death.

事实上，这个比方很恰当
Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.

顺便差点忘了，祝贺你们（翘辫子）
By the way, could I congratulate you two?

说干就干
I'm doing this.

我们走
Let's go.

去哪儿？
跟他一起走
Where?
We're coming with you.

Barney？
Barney?

好吧，只要满足我一个条件……
Alright. But under one condition.

瞧瞧你，帅气的小杂碎
总算给我穿上西服了
Look at you, you beautiful bastard! You're suited up!

这才像话！
This is totally going in my block.

停车，在这儿靠边！
Stop the car. Pull over right here.

有件事我得先搞定
I got to do something.

不好意思
Excuse me. Pardon me. Just say

请享受你们的咖啡
enjoy your coffee.

开车！
Go, go, go!

大家都会带上花儿
Everybody brings flowers.

好的，关键时刻
OK, the moment of truth.

祝我好运
Wish me luck.

Ted要和一个电视台记者搞上了
Ted's gonna get it on with a TV reporter.

“为您现场报道，爽啊爽啊”
'It's just in.' OK...

吻她，Ted，好好的吻她
Kiss her, Ted. Kiss her good!

吻得那小妞七荤八素！
Kiss the crap out of that girl!

Marshal，记住这个晚上
Marshal, remember this night.

当你在我的婚礼上作伴郎并发言的时候
你可以把这个故事讲一遍
And you're the best man at our wedding. You give a speech. You're gonna tell this story.

怎么会是他做伴郎？
Why does he get to be the best man?

我才是你最好的朋友！
I'm your best friend!

在走到门口的时候，我百感交集
As I walked up to that door, a million thoughts raised to my mind.

不幸的是，有一个想法没想到
Unfortunately, one particular thought did not.

我有5只狗
I've got 5 dogs.

不妙，不妙，不妙
Not good, not good ...

不行！
给我回去！
No!
Get back in there!

你身上穿着西服！
You're wearing a suit!

Ted？
Ted?

你好
Hi!

我刚才……
I was just

快上来吧
come on up.

他进去了
He's in.

那么，Ranjit
So, Ranjit

你肯定和黎巴嫩妞儿玩过
You must have done that with a Lebanese girl.

好吧，我有点忍不住了
OK, that's my Barney. Let me 

我去找找这房子里面有没有洗手间
I'm gonna see if that has a bathroom.

事实上，我来自孟加拉国
Actually, I'm from Bangladesh.

那边的小妞靓不？
The women hot there?

这是我妻子的照片
Here's a picture of my wife.

给他点面子吧……
He'll know what he sufficed.

她很可爱
She's lovely.

Ted，什么风把你吹到Brooklyn来的
凌晨一点，西装革履
So Ted, what brings you back to Brooklyn at 1 in the morning in a suit?

我是想……
I was just hoping to 

来拿你不要的那些橄榄果
get those olives.

除了橄榄果，你还想来点琴酒吗？
We shall have these olives with some gin and vermuth?

你是想灌醉我吗？
Are you trying to get me drunk?

我们慢慢来
We're starters.

（谢谢你）

Marshal
Marshal,

这个橄榄果理论，是根据你和Lily？
是啊
This olive theory, based on you and Lily?
Yeah.

你讨厌橄榄果，她喜欢，你受不了那味道？
You hate olives. Lily loves them. You can't stand them?

是的，我讨厌橄榄果
Yeah, I hate olives.

两星期前，79号街上的西班牙酒吧
一碟橄榄果，你吃了不少
Two weeks ago, Spanish Bar at 79th Street, dish of olive, you had some.

解释一下
What up!

你发誓这些话不会传出去
You have to swear that this does not leave this cab.

我发誓
I swear.

我发誓
I swear.

我们第一次约会的时候，我点了一份希腊沙拉
Lily问我能不能把橄榄果都给她吃
On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad. Lily asked if she could have my olives.

我说，“好啊，我讨厌橄榄果”
I said, 'sure, I hate olives.'

但你喜欢吃橄榄果
But you like olives.

我那时候只有18岁，好吗?
我还是个处男
Well, I was 18, OK? I was a virgin.

我一生都在等哪个漂亮美眉
愿意吃我的橄榄果
I've been waiting my whole life for a pretty girl to want my olives.

Marshal，我先给你一个婚前礼物吧
Marshal, I'm gonna give you an early wedding present

“别结婚！”
Don't get married.

我喜欢你的橄榄果理论
I think I like your olive theory.

我喜欢你新的法国喇叭
I think I like your French horn.

我想我喜欢你的鼻子
I think I like your nose.

我想我爱上你了
I think I'm in love with you.

什么！？
What?

什么！？
What?

什么！？
What?

得了吧，伙计，你说你那时候肚子疼
你知道是因为什么，不是吗？
Come on, man! You said your stomach's been hurting, right? You know what that is.

是渴望，你渴望得到经验，渴望新的体会
Hunger. You're hungry for experience, hungry for something new,

你渴望尝尝橄榄果
hungry for olives.

不过你胆子太小不敢说罢了
But you're too scared to do anything about it.

好吧，我是害怕了，行了吧
Yeah, I'm scared, OK?

但我要和Lily共度余生了
But I want to get to spend the rest of my life with Lily.

承诺永久，没有别的女人
committing forever.

我一点也不害怕
It doesn't scare me at all.

我要娶这个女孩
I'm marrying that girl.

Lily
Lily,

Lily，我喜欢吃橄榄果
Lily, I like olives.

我们会想办法解决的
We'll make it work.

说到Orlando，你在那边是报导什么？
So Orlando, you're gonna hit this new world?

你爱我！？
You love me?

我也不敢相信我这么说了
I can't believe I said that.

我为什么要说
Why did I say that?

谁会那么说？
Who says that?

我该走了
I should just go.

等等
Hold on. Wait a minute.

我答应了给你这个
I promised these.

橄榄果
是的
Olives.
Yes.

谢谢，我爱你
Thanks. I love you.

我怎么回事？
What is wrong with me!

我们还坐在这儿干啥？
Why we are still sitting here?

我们还可以去喝几杯
Let's go. We can still make a last call.

你怎么想，Lil？
What do you say，Lil？

哟喉喉，再来一瓶朗姆酒
（模仿水手唱歌）
Yuhoho, and a bottle of rum!

因为你加入了海盗
Because you're a pirate?

好吧，我把眼罩摘掉
OK, I patch gone.

我们不能就这样丢下Ted
We can't just abandon Ted.

如果上面进展不顺利的话
他最需要朋友的支持
If it doesn't go well up there, he's gonna need some support.

已经过去20分钟了
It's been, like, 20 minutes.

你想他们开始了吗？
You think they're doing it?

你想他们会在那些狗面前开始吗？
嗯，用狗狗的姿势
You think they're doing it in front of the dogs?
Doggy style?

还记得大学的时候
有个小妞养了条金毛猎犬……
There is a girl in college who had this golden retriever ...

好吧，我们快去酒吧
只要你们别在谈论这些了
OK, we can go to the bar. Just stop talking.

走吧，Ranjie
Hit it, Ranjie.

嗯，当你和你朋友说起我的时候
So when you tell this to your friends,

能不能不要“神经病”这个词
could you avoid the word, 'psycho?'

换成……比如“乖僻”也好
I'd prefer 'eccentric.'

晚安，“神经病”
Good night, psycho.

好极了
Great.

嗯，地铁站怎么走
How do we get the train?

往那边走两个街区，再右转
Two blocks. That way and take a right.

你知道么
You know what?

我不想再单身了
I'm done being single.

我也不善于单身
I'm not good at it.

听着，很显然你不能对一个刚认识的女孩儿
说“我爱你”
Obviously, you can't tell a woman you just met you love her.

但是……
But

你不敢说的话，却又很糟糕
it sucks that you can't.

我告诉你吧，如果一个女孩儿……
I'll tell you something new, if a woman

我不是指你，只是某个想象中的女孩儿
not you, just some hypothetical woman

能够与我一起经历这种境地
would bear with me through all this,

我想我一定能做一个称职的丈夫
I think I'd make a damn good husband.

因为这才是我擅长做的
Because that's the stuff I'd be good at,

我擅长……惹她欢笑，做个好父亲
stuff like, making her laugh and being a good father

还可以帮忙溜她那五只想象中的狗
and her 5 hypothetical dogs,

还有很棒的接吻技巧
and being a good kisser.

每个人都认为自己接吻很棒
Everyone thinks he's a good kisser.

我可有好几个证人呢
I've got references.

晚安，Ted
Good night, Ted.

我的握手技巧也很棒
And I'm a good handshaker.

嗯，确实很棒
That's a pretty good handshake.

就到此为止了，我再也没见过她
And that was it. I'll never see her again.

怎么了？
What?

那就是暗示了
That was the signal!

那个意味深长的握手，你应该吻她的
That long, lingering handshake! You should have kissed her!

根本没有暗示这回事儿
There's no such thing as the signal.

不过，没错，那就是暗示了
But yeah, that was the signal.

暗示
Signal.

Carl，谢谢
Carl, thank you.

有件事儿我要做……
Something I got to do?

顺便说一句……
By the way,

你本该吻她的
you should have kissed her.

Carl……你们都不在场！
Carl, you guys weren't there!

我现在“性”致盎然了
I am so turned on right now.

伙计们，相信我，我知道什么是暗示
Guys, trust me! I've seen the signal.

那不算暗示！
That was not the signal!

是啊是啊，Ted，我们现在没讨论你了
Yeah, Ted, we're not on your anymore.

为我的未婚妻
To my fiancee.

为了我们的未来
To the future.

为这么爽的一夜
To one the hell of a night.

那个不算暗示！！
That was not the signal!

一年后，我问起这件事
I asked her about it years later

是的，她告诉我那是一个暗示
and yeah, that was the signal.

我本该吻她的
I could have kissed her.

但这就是命运捉弄人的地方
But that's the funny thing about destiny.

它总在你意想不到的时候发生
It happens whether you plan it or not.

我曾以为我再也见不到这个女孩儿了
I mean I never thought I'd see that girl again.

但那是因为我身在庐山中
But it turns out I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was formal.

因为这段故事，孩子们……
Because that, kids, is the true story

是我与你们的Robin阿姨相遇的故事
of how I met your aunt Robin.

Robin阿姨？
Aunt Robin?

我以为这是你和妈妈的故事
I thought this was how you met mom.

别心急好吗，我正要娓娓道来
Will you relax? I'm getting to it.

我说过了，这是一个很长很长的故事……
Like I said, it's a long story.

Vocabularies

incredible

[ɪn'krɛdəbl] adj. 难以置信的，惊人的

architect

['ɑrkɪtɛkt] n. 建筑师

screw

[skru] vt. 旋，拧；压榨；强迫

engaged

[ɪn'gedʒd] adj. 使用中的 v. 同…订婚

champagne

[ʃæm'pen] n. 香槟酒

toast

[tost] n. 干杯；烤面包 vt. 为…干杯

dude

[d(j)uːd] n. 男人，小伙子 n. （非正式）哥们

bunk

[bʌŋk] n. 铺位；床铺；座床

blazer

['blezɚ] n.夹克

weird

[wɪrd] adj. 怪异的；不可思议的

bachelor

['bætʃəlɚ] n. 学士；单身汉

urinal

['jʊrənl] n. 尿壶；小便处

goatee

[ɡo'ti] n. 山羊胡

exhibitive

[ɪɡ'zɪbɪtɪv] adj. 表示的，供展览的

exhausted

[ɪɡ'zɔstɪd] adj. 疲惫的；耗尽的

creepy

['kripi] adj. 诡异的；令人毛骨悚然的

eyebrow

['aɪbraʊ] n. 眉毛

handle

['hændl] vt. 处理；操作

imagine

[ɪ'mædʒɪn] vt.vi. 想像

settling

['sɛtlɪŋ] n. 安置 v. 解决；安居（settle的ing形式）

eventually

[ɪ'vɛntʃuəli] adv. 最后，终于

ceremony

[ˈsɛrəˌmoʊni] n. 典礼，仪式

vow

[vaʊ] n. 誓言 vt.vi. 发誓

damn

[dæm] vt.vi 谴责；n. 诅咒 adj. 可恶的

actually

['æktʃuəli] adv. 实际上；事实上

bottle

['bɑtl] n. 瓶子；一瓶的容量

slip

[slɪp] vt.vi.n. 滑动

idiot

['ɪdɪət] n. 笨蛋，傻瓜；白痴

fridge

[frɪdʒ] n. 电冰箱

fiancee

[,fiən'se] n. （法）未婚妻

lend

[lɛnd] vt.vi 把…借给;贷（款）;贡献，给予;适于

exactly

[ɪɡ'zæktli] 正是,没错

sailor

['selɚ] n. 水手，海员

bathroom

['bæθrum] n. 浴室；厕所

strategically

[strə'tidʒɪkli] adv. 战略性地；战略上

juke

[dʒʊk] vt. 用假动作诱使；佯攻 n.自动唱机

jukebox

['dʒʊk'bɑks] n.自动唱机

hit

[hɪt] vt.vi.n. 打击；袭击

barely

['bɛrli] adv. 仅仅，勉强；几乎不

spank

[spæŋk] vt. 拍击使之前进；打…的屁股 vi. 掴 n. 一巴掌

pansy

['pænzi] n. 同性恋男子 adj. 女性化的；vt.vi. 打扮

complete

[kəm'plit] adj. 完整的；完全的；彻底的 vt. 完成

metro

['mɛtro] n. 地铁；大都市

dumb

[dʌm] adj. 哑的，无说话能力的；不说话的

fluff

[flʌf] n. 绒毛；错误；无价值的东西

piece

[pis] n. 块；件；篇

ukulele

['jʊkə'leli] n. 尤克里里

gorilla

[ɡə'rɪlə] n. 大猩猩

upright

['ʌpraɪt] adj. 正直的，诚实的 n. 垂直

bass

[beɪs] n. 贝斯

dump

[dʌmp] vt.vi. 丢弃

enemy

['ɛnəmi] n. 敌人 adj. 敌方的

Orlando

[ɔ:'lændəu] n. 奥兰多

cover

['kʌvɚ] vt. 包括,报导 vi. 覆盖 n. 封面

shot

[ʃɑt] n. 发射；炮弹；射手；镜头

hell

[hɛl] n. 地狱

jerk

[dʒɝk] vt.vi. 猛拉 n. 肌肉抽搐；蠢人,混蛋

deny

[dɪ'nai] vt.vi. 否定，拒绝

laser

['lezɚ] n. 激光

attack

[ə'tæk] n.vt.vi 攻击

ass

[æs] n. 屁股；驴子；蠢人

horn

[hɔrn] n. 喇叭，号角

Smurf

[smɝf] n. 蓝精灵，洗钱者

penis

['pinɪs] n. 阳物；阴茎

ordinarily

[,ɔrdn'ɛrəli] adv. 通常地；一般地

odd

[ɑd] adj. 奇数的；古怪的 n. 奇数；怪人

patch

[pætʃ] n. 眼罩；斑点 vt. 修补 vi. 打补丁

scotch

[skɑtʃ] vi. 扑灭；镇压 n. 刻痕；苏格兰威士忌

quote

[kwot] vt.vi. 报价；引述 n. 引用

buster

['bʌstɚ] n. 起破坏，小家伙

olive

['ɑlɪv] n. 橄榄；橄榄树；橄榄色 adj. 橄榄的

theory

['θiəri] n. 理论；原理；学说；推测

jar

[dʒɑr] n. 罐 vi. 冲突；震惊 vt. 震动

fireplace

['faɪɚples] n. 壁炉

clarinet

[,klærə'nɛt] n. 单簧管；竖笛，黑管

tuba

['tubə] n. 大号

dice

[daɪs]n. 骰子 vi. 掷骰子

Manhattan

[mæn'hæt(ə)n] n. 曼哈顿

pirate

['paɪrət] n. 海盗；盗版 vt. 掠夺

bat

[bæt] n. 蝙蝠；球棒；球拍 vt.vi. 用球棒击球

swear

[swɛr] vt.vi. 发誓；咒骂 n. 宣誓；诅咒

ledge

[lɛdʒ] n. 壁架；突出之部份；暗礁；矿层

Word Groups

way back to sth

回归...

start to do sth / start doing sth

开始做..

screw sth up

弄糟..., 拧紧...

pop up the champagne

开香槟

drink a toast

举杯祝酒

help sb (to) do sth

帮助某人做某事

plan out

策划；为…做准备

big moment

关键时刻

take the biggest step of sth

迈出关键...的一步

call up sb

打电话给某人

have a thing for sth

对……有强烈的好感

suit up

穿上正装

put on

穿上；上演；增加；假装；使…上场

start a family

成家

before long

不久以后

go with

v. 伴随；与…相配

finger painting

涂鸦

think on one's feet

头脑反应；才思敏捷

happy for

为……高兴

imagine sb doing sth

想象某人做某事

settle down

定居；安定下来

be scared to do sth

害怕做某事

slip out

溜出

be scared of(at) sth

对...害怕

all of a sudden

突然地，出乎意料地

freak out

使处于极度兴奋中；崩溃

turn to

转向；变成；求助于

go on

继续；过去；继续下去

kind of

有点儿，差不多，相当

attempt to do sth

试图做某事

a long shot

唐突的事情，不太会成功的大胆尝试

what the hell

管他呢

a piece of

一块，一片

a jar of

一罐，一拼

chicken out

临阵退缩；因害怕而停止做某事

opinion on

有关…的意见

bat one's eyes

眨眼睛

at least

至少

get to sleep

入睡